Blog ads, Crawdads, and New Fads...

So, what's the deal with Blog ads anyway?

Half the time the make no sense. They rarely serve to do more than piss the blogger and it's readers off, and I find it difficult to believe that they are effective means of relaying information.

In fact, I have even heard of blog ads that lead to sites that have viruses on them. Wonderful... now blogging is like sleeping with the hot hooker on the corner - you never know what you are going to get, but it's sure to make you red and itchy.

On to crawdads, or crayfish, or "baby lobsters" as my nephew likes to call them. They are a blast to catch, unlike blog viruses. (See, I DID tie them in...). This summer I spent time down at my family's fishing cottages right on the banks of the Susquehanna River. It's redneck living at it's finest. It's times like the cottage in the summer that remind me that you don't need a lot of money to be happy. Sometimes playing penny poker with some good family on a warm evening is all you really need.

...Not that my girlfriend saw it that way.

My younger brother, my father, and I were playing penny poker on the enclosed porch (KEY with the bugs you get in Pennsylvania countryland). The GF and I slept on porch on an inflatable mattress (I never claimed to like "roughing it") at night. The table we were playing cards on was right next to the mattress and my girlfriend was reading a book.

After some time, she decided she would watch us play some cards for a little while and take a break from her book. She shimmied up to the back of the bed, almost directly behind my father, and watched a few hands. The next thing I know, Jamie's reeling and fleeing the porch.

"Oh! Chris (my dad's name)!"

My dad smirks.

Me - "Wha..." and then it occurs to me what happened just as she states it.

GF - "Your father just farted!"

Me - "Pops! You mean to tell me you just farted on my girlfriend!?"

As my younger brother is laughing, I'm looking incredulously at my father, and Jamie is staggering into the cottage, my father replies, "What? I had a good hand, I got distracted!"

Oh my...

On to new fads... what's up with acronyms everywhere? I was watching TV and I challenged my GF (Ha! The other tie-in!) that you could survive by only taking a breath everytime you saw an acronym.

It hit the boiling point when we were watching a movie trailer and they were quoting various sources as to the quality of the movie. The last quote was from an Internet site and was simply quoted as, "OMG".

Now, my girlfriend is more cognizant of it than ever and I've routinely shown that you can actually survive just by taking a deep breath when you see an acronym on the TV. Are we becoming so streamlined in our community now that we can't even take the time to fully express what we are trying to say? OMG, I just don't know.

You can learn a lot about a person from their pets.

I have two cats (my girlfriend has three AND a dog, giving us 6 animals total).

They say pets take after their owners, so I thought I would give you all a chance to know me better by detailing my cats some.

So, here's the breakdown -

Atticus is a cocky cat that is just BIG. He's about 18 - 20 inches long from head to back hind legs and about 14 inches from the ground to the middle of his back. Add 23 pounds and you get an idea. He's a little heavy for his size, and it suites him. He can still jump 4 feet high counters with ease, so he is in shape. When the mood strikes him, he's a lover... but also a troublemaker when he wants to as well. He's smart; he learned how to open the latch on a screen door at a very young age. He's social able - he greets me at the door when I come home. He can be stubborn, but usually doesn't hold a grudge. Finally, he loves to explore and get out of the house. He isn't a threat to bolt never to be seen again, but he likes the idea of freedom.

Theodore is an average size cat. He's loveable to a fault sometimes, but also fairly well trained and intelligent. He loves to lick you! In fact, I have him trained. He sleeps with us and he knows that it's not allowed to come over and start licking my face until I begin rubbing my eyes. He always likes to be around people, more so than cats. There are times I think he has an identity crisis - he might think he is a dog. He's pack oriented, loves to lick, isn't fond of catnip, and will whine at the door if you don't let him in. Still, he's loyal and affectionate. He wears his feelings on his sleeve, is VERY social able, and doesn't mind cuddling.

That's me... well except I don't think I am a dog. It's funny, while Atticus can be more stubborn and prefers attention on his own time on occasion; it's those aspects that I think give him more of a personality than Theodore. Theo will take attention anyway he can get it and, I must confess, I am that way sometimes too. I am stubborn - ask my father. It took me WAY too long to learn to ride a bike for some reason. He'd take me to vast empty parking lots on the weekend, just so I wouldn't crash into anything. I had more scrapes learning to ride a bike than I have ever had since. As to the other traits, feel free to infer them onto to me as you see fit. I will say that I learned to unlatch a screen door a little faster than Atticus did, but probably not by much. ;)

Thank GOD! I got a flat tire!

So, my girlfriend just bought a bike. A middle of the line hybrid, about $400. She wanted to be able to have a bike that was more capable of keeping up with my touring bike so that we could bike together more often. Very sweet, since last year, I think I could have walked faster than she biked on her $60 piece of shit.

We like the canal trails that are prominent in the Rochester area. No traffic, few stops, and a nice view make it a solid choice for beginners and veterans alike. Happy/sad, they are doing contruction on the trail, so pieces are unrideable.

So we decide to take a shortcut of the trail towards home.

Note - I don't mind biking city streets... STREETS. In hindsight, I should have stuck to the streets, but my girlfriend was following me and I didn't want her riding in the streets. So, we stuck to the beaten up, much narrower, sidewalk - and I got a flat.

Whew!

I got the flat, looked at my girlfriend and was happy.

Why?

Because it wasn't her.

She had had a bad day. Note to the ignorant reader - when most women have bad days... RUN! Conversation, bonding, any acts of kindness during said embracing of the negative is not on rejected, but said sender is sent off with a venom of negativity that has the chance to envelope you as well. Is this sexist? Sure, but I DARE a woman to prove me wrong that this isn't the case with most of their gender.

So, I got a flat and was happy. In fact, after I realized I had the flat and that I hadn't done any rim damage to my bike, I actually sighed relied. I was a little over a mile from home, but she had her bike, I was perfectly capable of walking, and we had a solution ready-in-hand. She biked home and picked me up on my walk over. I guage I made it about half-way home when she picked me up, but the weather was perfect, the neighborhood was friendly (much to my pleasant surprise), and it wasn't my girlfriend that had the flat.

Good times.

A quote from a book I am reading...

"Melisande and Baudoin ate and bantered in low tones as they dined, speaking as lovers will, of inconsequential things."

- Kushiel's Dart, by Jacqueline Carey

How much more succinct and accurate can you get, about lovers? I came home tonight from work and my girl was awake, even though she should have been asleep if she wanted to get enough sleep for work the next day. Her reason?

"I wanted to spend some time with you." (a paraphrase, I admit the exact dialogue eludes me)

So we talked, about ultimately inconsequential things. Sure, they matter, but in the big scheme of things, they don't in that we can't do anything about them.

I already had the interview; she already took the test, etc.

And yet, when I tucked her in for bed (we still do that with each other), I loved her more then than almost any other time I have loved her. A simple conversation, some cuddling, and an honest sharing of each other ("as lovers will") was all that was needed to rejuvenate our spirits.

Good stuff. Here's to "inconsequential things" being "bantered" about and (for a shameless plug) to Carey for writing a truly well thought out book.

Why I don't like Kentucky -

I don't consider myself a Saint, and not only because I am not Catholic. I'm just not a very good guy sometimes.

Still, I DID NOT belong in the back of POLICE CAR this time! Sure, there were other times I probably did belong there and wasn't, but not THIS time.

I was minding my own business, lost in thought as I was driving to my grandmother's house. You see, some of us family decided to help her with yard work and cleaning out the gutters of her roof on this fine autumn day in October. Very noble, I know, I already patted myself on the back.

Well, it must have been when I was patting myself on the back when I did a "rolling stop" for that stop sign I just passed, because Mr. County Sheriff took offense. Lights flash, I notice them in my mirrors, and I pull over. As far as I knew, I wasn't OJ, so I wasn't real worried. The officers take a moment (presumably to run my plates) and then both of them (you see, he had a partner, lucky me) come out to greet me. The driver cop explains why he pulled me over, asks for my license and registration and walks back to the car. I'm a little nervous, but mostly just annoyed they bothered to pull me over for a rolling stop. Don't they have anything better to do on a nice autumn weekend day?

Apparently so - since they came back out of the car without a ticket. As they walk up, I am beginning to hope I'm just getting a warning. Silly me. It's about this time that I notice a dark red Sentra pass me and don't really think again on it. Thankfully, that Sentra will be back. Anyway, the driver cop has a hand on his gun, makes it a point to be a few steps from the door, and asks me in a fairly direct manner, "Sir, do you know why your license would be suspended?"

*blink*

"What?"

"Your license is suspended, sir, do you know why?"

"Uhhh... (crap, I didn't forget to pay any tickets did I? I hadn't had one in quite some time) no reason I can think of."

"Please step out of the car sir?"

"What?"

"Step out of the car."

At this point I am in a minor stupor. Lost in my thoughts, driving to engage in some productive family time, I hadn't really expected police offers to play an integral part of my immediate future. So, I get out of the car. They proceed to take me to the passenger side of their car and have me place my hands on the side of the car as they do a quick weapons search.

I'm coming around a bit- "Uh, is there anyway you guys can check into this more?"

"Do you have any unpaid tickets you know of?"

"No, I thought about that."

"When's the last time you received a ticket?"

"Well, back in March, when I was coming back from Houston and had to be here in less than two days. I got a ticket just outside of Louisville. But I remember paying that ticket." The reader begins to see where the problem is...

"Well, maybe it's something else, we are trying to get more information."

I hit minor panic mode here as my brain scampers through the last year of my life - did I get another ticket? I had more than a couple wild nights out, but I'm pretty sure I would have remembered a ticket. No, I couldn't have, it must be that damned Kentucky ticket.

So, what to do? Well, this is where it's nice to have family. While I am estranged to most of my mother's side of the family, I remember my uncle (maybe more on the "why" of that estrangement in some other post, but it has little to do with me or this post). What was his job? He just so happened to be a County Sheriff as well. Well, at least he was the last I remembered, it had been sometime since I had spoken to him. I gave it a shot -

"Hey, you guys know M___?"

"Yeah, we know him."

"He's my uncle, good guy."

"M___ is your uncle?"

"Yup."

"Ok."

That was it. Meanwhile, they finished the weapons search and handcuffed me behind my back. Next, they took an inventory of the possessions in my pockets and had me take a seat in the back of the car. They get into the front and are fairly quiet, explaining they are still trying to figure things out.

About 10 minutes later, I see another police car pull up behind them. Greaaat. How bad was this going to get. The road wasn't that busy. Was it times for Cops Gone Wild? I wasn't sure. But of course, being handcuffed for no apparent reason will do that to your imagination. The reader will have likely surmised that it was my uncle and, indeed, it was. Phew!

They get out of the car as he does and chat with him outside of hearing distance. I wonder what the hell they are telling him. He comes up to their car, without them, and leans over to my side.

"Dude, what the heck is going on?"

"Beats me, they say my license is suspended and it's an arrestable offense."

"Did you not pay a ticket?" You can sense the theme.

"Not that I know of."

"This is a quite mess here. It's good to see you, but not like this." He chuckles a bit.

"Tell me about it."

"Well, I can get you out of this arrest, but they already wrote you a ticket."

Relief! I exhale, "That's cool."

"But they can't let you drive your car."

"I have family on my dad's side just up the road a ways, can I call them."

"Ya better, and get this taken care of!"

"Thanks a lot, M___, sorry for this."

"That's alright, just get it taken care of." He smiles, chats with the officers and they take the cuffs off. M___ leaves and the other officers allow me to call for a ride.

I call my dad, who should only be 5 minutes down the road. Thankfully he is, and they are on their way. Turns out, that dark red Sentra was my dad and step mom. They had noticed the police car, but failed to notice my car, or me in it. I have an excuse - I was being interrogated! You would have thought they would look more closely to see what was happening. Lord knows that's the number one excuse for rubber-neckers.

Anyway, they give me a lift and take my car to my grandmother's. A good story is told. Meanwhile, all it took me was about 10 minutes in phone calls the following Monday to learn that it WAS that damned Kentucky ticket. They never notified the DMV that the ticket was paid and I was nearly incarcerated as a result. A couple faxes later, and the issue was resolved, but not without event.

I was fortunate my uncle happened to be working. He only works that zone two times a week, so the odds were against me. I suppose this lends support to my one friend's assertion that I am both the luckiest AND unluckiest person he knows.

What Heaven might be like...

Must of us wonder where we are going to go when we die - it's a logical thought.

After all, it isn't easy for most of us to accept the finality of death. Regardless of your views, atheist, Christian, agnostic - we all will be forced to face an ending to this life.

So, we conjecture on what it will be like. Will we simply be nothing? Reincarnated? Hell? Purgatory? Heaven? Let's stop at Heaven... what is probably the most enjoyable of the alternatives.

What's Heaven like? Sure, you could read the Bible and get an idea. But even the Bible is vague about the specific construction of Heaven - of its rules and boundaries, climate, individual life, etc.

Assuming that Heaven exists and that we can go there with more good than bad behavior and the appropriate beliefs, Heaven is supposed to be a place of ultimate happiness and contentment. I like football, an occasional game of chess, and intimate moments with my girlfriend (eep, girlfriend, not wife... I'm not off to a good start I guess). Heh, unless you happen to enjoy those three things as well (PRAY I don't here about the 3rd), chances are our concepts of happiness and contentment are quite different. The trick then, it would seem, would be to make a place vast enough to accommodate ALL beings and NO beings at the same time. I mean, as much as I love the first three things I mentioned, I like my alone time too.

Not too hard to imagine... God is the creator after all. Can't He allow us to interact and intertwine with whoever and whenever we wish? Similarly, if we have a particular affinity for certain activities, they should be available nearly at will as well.

Sounds pretty good so far, right?

Now toss God and factual morality into it. Uh-oh.

I can say factual morality in this case. Why? If God is the creator, He makes the rules about EVERYTHING. If He says it is bad to pick your nose, you better check to see if it's OK for your friend to pick it, because you’re up a creek otherwise.

As to God Himself - a significant aspect to Heaven is a communion with God. We will have access to all the wisdom He wishes to bestow, the love he wishes to provide, and all the other things we could want or need. At all times, we will be aware of His presence. If God is a benevolent Being that we are always in contact with and aware of, then what role does He play in our wants and desires while in Heaven? Sure, Earth can be seen as a microcosm of Heaven to the extent that we can be in contact with Him and aware of Him, but we are limited in our intellectual and physical capacities to fully realize what Heaven could entail.

Theoretically, we would all want what God wants for us and Knows is best for our souls. Our love, faith, and trust in Him would allow us to focus on all the things He knows is best. The problem? We have two cases of very compelling evidence that isn’t that simple - our current lives and Satan.

As to our lives? Short of Jesus and Mother Theresa, how many people do you know that are almost completely in tune with what most people understand as to what God probably think is right? Most of us "sin" on a fairly regular basis. Now, thankfully, we can be forgiven. That isn't the point. The point is that we most likely KNOW that what we are doing is wrong in God's eyes and, yet, we still engage in that activity. What makes us think that we will be any different in Heaven? You can make a strong case that we will be different because we will KNOW God actually and as fully as He allows us and that we won't be limited by our physical wants and desires. Still, that brings us to the second case...

Satan. He had it great. He was an angel, high up and God's favored. And yet, he strayed. God wasn't "right" for him. Satan rebelled, took others with him and decided God didn't have it quite right. He, apparently, had everything God promises us, and yet he still wanted more. Satan wanted to BE God, according to many documents. What makes us think we won't be any different?

Well, I have an answer, though hardly provable by any of us living. The angels knew God and he knew them. But God was never an angel. He WAS a human. God knows us because he has experienced what it is like to be us. So, when we get to Heaven, God will have a special affinity towards us that he didn't have with the angels (Why he didn't ever try this with them? Hard to say.) That bond should allow us to remain close to Him in ways that maybe some of the angels couldn't.

So, we have a place where all we want and desire, that is good for our souls, is given to us. Given that God has given us the freedom to choose, we must have the option of choosing what is bad for us should we want it. Does He give it? Can we be kicked out of Heaven too? Is our bond with God so strong that we won't want anything He deems bad for us?

I think that's what we have to hope for, to have faith in. If we don't, then Heaven becomes a chaotic version of our lives on this planet. We rebel when we want to, embrace when we want to, and never fully appreciate what God means in our lives. Nope, in order for Heaven to work in the way the Bible and we traditionally accept it, as a kingdom of happiness and peace, we will embrace only the best of others and ourselves. This is God's message for us on this planet as well, and yet I wonder - How much easier will it be to do up there than it is down here?

Progress on Living with the Girlfriend!

It's a monday night and I don't have to work until 2pm on Tuesday. Quite commonly, I will go out with my brother since the girlfriend usually doesn't stay up real late and is often studying for classes.

I'm hanging out with the girlfriend, giving her a backrub and catching up on her day, when it's about ten minutes before I need to get going. We both get up (we still say goodbye to each other at the door most times... I know, sappy) and go out to the hallway. When we near the bathroom (the only bathroom in the house), I stop and, somewhat shyly say, "Hey babe, I gotta take a dump." Heh, not the smoothest and, having lived together for only 4 or so months on fairly opposite schedules, we really haven't been around for each other's bodily activities a lot.

She pauses a moment and says, "Oooh, I need to take one too."

"Well, I need to take one now, before I leave."

Her - "I was gonna wait until you leave."

"I don't have that choice babe."

Her - "Well, be quick, and open the windows. It better not stink too bad!"

"I don't have a much control over that, but I'll open the window and spray the Oust."

No good. My intestines must not like my girlfriend. Strike that - my bowels must want to kill my girlfriend. No, no, no - strike that. My colon must have every intention of torturing, plaguing, and, eventually, dismembering my girlfriend.

Well, at least that's what she would have you believe as she entered the bathroom a scant few minutes after I was through. That is, enter and almost immediately leave it with shirt over face.

It's at this point that we get into a few minute discourse on how we should "share" these experiences more equally. She shouldn't have to frequent the bathroom after my plunges all the time; I should have to follow her sometimes. As if I can control my urges any better than her. I defensively remind her that, since she covers 2nd base more frequently than I, I actually experience her odiferous leavings more than she does mine. It just so happens, I don't usually have to use the bathroom immediately after.

With that, and an "I love you", I'm out the door and leave her to the bathroom and the not so pleasurable odors of me.

The progress? We are still together and, I think, we both know two bathrooms are in order if we are to make it in the long run.